Ababyeyi benshi ntibazabikwemerera, ariko umubare utunguranye muri bo ugira ‘umwana utoneshwa’ kurusha abandi kandi uburyo bamufata ugereranyije n’abandi bishobora kugira ingaruka z’ubuzima bwose ku buzima bwabo bwo mu mutwe ari bakuru, bubatse izabo cyangwa banashaje.
Ubushakashatsi buvuga ko mu buryo butunguranye ababyeyi gukunda abana bamwe kurushaho bibaho henshi kandi ko aho kuba akantu gasanzwe mu buzima ahubwo bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi. Biba mu ngo zigera kuri 65% kandi byabonetse mu mico itandukanye yakozweho ubushakashatsi.
Uko biri henshi, niko bishobora kwangiriza imibereho y’abana mu buzima bwabo, kuva mu bwana kugera mu myaka yo hagati no kurenga aho. Bifatwa nk’ikintu cy’ingenzi mu bibazo bitandukanye by’amarangamutima ndetse abahanga mu mitekerereze babihaye izina: “parental differential treatment”, cyangwa PDT.
Kumva udakunzwe nk’abandi bishobora gutandukana bitewe n’umuntu, nk’uko bivugwa na Laurie Kramer, umwalimu mu by’imitekerereze muri Northeastern University muri Ameirka.
Ati: “Hari ibyo umuntu aba yaraciyemo, aho umubyeyi akunda undi mwana kumurusha, ibyo bishobora kuba mu kumuha igihe kinini kurushaho, kumwitaho, kumushima, cyangwa kumukundwakaza. Bikaba byatuma undi atagenzurwa cyane, akishimira ubwisanzure runaka, ntashyirweho igitutu cyangwa se n’ibihano.”
Akenshi ababyeyi ntabwo babikora babitekerejeho mu gutonesha umwana umwe kurusha abandi ndetse kenshi ntibamenya ko ari uko bimeze. N’abana ubwabo ntabwo buri wese mu muryango aba abibona gutyo. Laurie Kramer yongeraho ati: “Uko umwe ababibona bishobora kuba atari ko abandi bavandimwe babibona, ndetse bishobora gutandukana bitewe n’icyo ababyeyi bakoze ku mwana runaka.”
Ku bantu bumva bafatwa nk’aho ari uwa kabiri, ingaruka zishobora gukomera. Ubushakashatsi buvuga ko kuva ku myaka yo hasi abana bamenya gutandukanya uko bafatwa, nk’iyo ababyeyi bishimiye umwana umwe kurusha umuvandimwe we. Ukwishimira umwana kurusha undi gutya kw’ababyeyi guhuzwa no kutigirira icyizere kw’abana, hamwe n’umunabi wo mu bwana, kwiheba, n’indi myifatire iteye inkeke. Bishobora no gutera ibindi bibazo by’imibereho bishamikiyeho kuri icyo.
Urugero, abashakashatsi mu Bushinwa berekanye ko gukundwakaza umwana mu bandi kw’ababyeyi biganisha ku kubatwa na telephone mu bugimbi n’ubukumi. Mu nyigo nto muri Canada ku rubyiruko umunani rutagira aho kuba, barindwi bavuze ko ababyeyi babo bakundaga undi muvandimwe wabo kubarusha, naho bo bagahora ari “umwana w’ikibazo” kandi ibi byatumye batana n’imiryango yabo.
Nubwo iyi nyigo ari nto cyane ku buryo itafatirwaho umwanzuro, yerekana ko umubyeyi iyo akunze umwana kurusha abandi bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi.
Ingaruka ku buzima bwo mu mutwe zishobora kandi gukomeza n’umuntu ari mukuru, aho urugero gutoneshwa n’umubyeyi w’umugore ubushakashatsi bwerekanye ko bifitanye isano n’igipimo cyo hejuru cy’agahinda gakabije mu bana bamaze gukura. Ibyo bikaba bishobora no gukomeza na nyuma mu buzima, iyo ababyeyi bakomeje ibyo ku bana bakuze.
Mu gihe ababyeyi aribo nyirabayazana w’ibi, gutonesha mu bana bishobora kugira ingaruka ku mubano mwiza w’abavandimwe mu buzima ndetse bikaganisha ku makimbirane. Ibi biteye impungenge kuko ubusanzwe kubana neza kw’abavandimwe ari ingenzi cyane mu buzima bwose, mu magara yacu, n’ibyishimo byacu.
Freddy Nkurunziza
