Dore uburyo warwanyamo indwara yo gufuha
Hagati y’abantu bakundana hakunze kugaragaramo akantu ko gufuha hagati yabo aho umwe muri bo afuhira undi bitewe n’urukundo amukunda akaba yifuza ko yamwiharira wenyine ndetse akaba yifuza ko yamurinda gukururana n’abandi bo kuruhande.
Inzobere mu rukundo zigaragaza ko uwo ukunda ugomba kumufuhira ariko gufuha bikabije ni bibi kuko bigira ingaruka mbi nyinshi ku rukundo rwanyu. Inzobere mu by’imitekerereze n’imibanire zo zivuga ko gufuha ugakabya ari uburwayi.
Abakundana iyo umwe agira ingeso yo gufuha cyane bikabije ku buryo adaha mugenzi we amahoro, hari uburyo bworoshye bwo wakoreha niba ubyiyiziho,maze bikagenda bigabanuka kuko n’ubusanzwe nta mumaro wabyo,dore ko bishobora no gutandukanya abakundana.
Kwizerana ; iyo ukundana n’umuntu ukaba umwiyumvamo by’ukuri kandi ukizera ko nawe agukunda by’ukuri,ntabwo wajya guhangayikishwa no kumufuhira umukekera n’ibyo udafitiye gihamya.Niyo mpamvu uba ugomba kwizera umukunzi wawe,bikagufasha kumva ko nta wundi areba utari wowe,ugahorana icyo cyizere,aho guhora umuhangayikiye.
Kwirinda kumva amabwire ; ntukwiye kumvirana ibyo abantu bakubwiye ngo ubisamire hejuru uhite wumva ko ari ukuri byose kuko ari kimwe mu byatuma uta umutwe ugatangira gufuhira umukunzi wawe,ahubwo ufata umwanya wo kubanza gutekereza neza ku byo bakubwira ukamenya niba ari ukuri,nibiba ngombwa ubimubaze witonze kandi wirinde ko byagusaza.
Irinde kugaragaza uburakari ;niba hari ukuntu uri kwiyumvamo ifuhe cyangwa se ukaba ufite amakuru y’uko umukunzi wawe ashobora kuba aguca inyuma cyangwa afite undi bakundana,ntugakore ikosa ryo guhita umwereka uburakari bukabije kuko wafushye ahubwo ushobora kubimubaza wiyoroheje nta burakari umuzanyeho,ya ngeso yo kugaragaza ifuhe igenda ishira buhoro buhoro.
Ntukamugenzure cyane ;si byiza ko uhora ugenzura umukunzi wawe ngo wumve ko udatuje utamenye aho ari n’icyo ari gukora kuko hari bamwe usanga barashyizeho n’ ingenza zitanga amakuru,kandi si byiza kuko hari n’abaguha amakuru yo kugira ngo babashwanishe bakakubwira ibibi gusa kugira ngo umurakarire.
Irinde ishyari ;iyo ukunda kugira ishyari ni naho gufuha bituruka ugasanga uhora wumva ko uvuganye n’umukunzi wawe wese badahuje igitsina baba baganira ibyo kuguca inyuma cyangwa ko ashaka kumugutwara,ugasanga ugirira ishyari umuntu wese bavuganye kandi akenshi uba wibeshya,kuko ntabwo umuntu yavugana n’abantu bamwe gusa,nawe ujye ubanza wirebeho.
Nta mpamvu rero yo kugirira ifuhe rikabije umukunzi wawe kuko bishobora kuba intandaro yo gushwana cyangwa mugatandukana burundu, kubera gufuha kandi hari uburyo wabyirinda urukundo rugasagamba nubwo bamwe bajya bafuha bitwaje ko ngo uwo ukunda umufuhira,nyamara ntabwo biba ari ngombwa ko ukabya ugasanga umukunzi wawe waramuhahamuye.Nukurikiza izi nama tuguhaye uzagenda ubikira buhoro buhoro .
Inzobere mu mitekerereze ya muntu (Psychologie) ndetse no mu by’imikorere n’imihindagurikire ijyanye n’ibitsina (Sexologie) Albert Gakwaya, na we avuga ko gufuha ari ibintu bisanzwe, ariko hakaba n’igihe bigeraho bikaba indwara, kandi ko habaho ikintu gisanzwe bita gufuha ku bantu bose bakundana, cyangwa icyo ukunze ukumva wakigenzura.
Ati “Hakabaho no gufuha bihinduka indwara, bimwe umuntu abuza undi amahoro, bigaturuka ku kizere gikeya nyir’ugufuha yigiramo, bituma yumva atari ku rugero rwo kuba yaba ari kumwe na wawundi afuhira. Ibyo rero iyo bikabije bigeraho bikaba bibi, bikica umuryango, cyangwa umwe mu bagize umuryango akabera undi umutwaro.”
Akomeza asobanura ati “Ni uburwayi buturuka ku gufuha, bukunda kugirwa n’abantu bataye ikizere ubwabo. Hari ugufuha kurenze ku buryo bigira nyir’ubwite umurwayi wo mu mutwe, bikamutera kujya arota cyangwa yibwiriza ko mugenzi we hari ukundi kuntu bigenda ku ruhande batari kumwe.”
Albert Gakwaya avuga ko akenshi na kenshi biba ku muntu nawe udafite umutuzo ku bw’utuntu agira ku ruhande, nk’umuntu uca inyuma mugenzi we, noneho akaba afite ishusho mu mutwe y’uko abikora, akibagirwa y’uko ari we bibaho gusa, akibwira ko na wa mugenzi we akora nk’uko nguko.
Ati “Icyo gihe uko amubonye asuhuza undi, bihita bimwibutsa ka kajisho areba wa muntu we, ko na we ari ko abigenza. Atekereza ibyo we afite mu mutwe we, akabishyira ku wundi, bityo bikaba byanaba n’ ubumuga. Icyo gihe mu rugo biba byatangiye kumera nabi. Iyo umuntu afushye, akenshi na kenshi, nta na rimwe biza byizanye ari ibisanzwe.”
Avuga kandi ko hari ibituruka ku ko umuntu yabayeho mu myaka ibiri ya mbere akivuka, ko hari igihe umwe mu babyeyi be yitwaraga nabi, ntafashe wa mwana kuzigiramo ikizere, noneho bikazatuma wa muntu agira ikibazo gikomeye.
Agira inama ababyeyi ko mu gihe bonsa abana babo, bajya babaterura ku buryo babareba mu maso, bakabaganiriza, bakabitaho mu buryo bwose bashoboye, ku buryo nibagenda bakaza kugaruka, bongera kubikora, bityo bakarema ikizere mo umwana, akumva ko yizeye ko kugenda k’umubyeyi we bidatuma amutakaza burundu, ko ahubwo agaruka akiri uwe.
Abitandukanya na wa mubyeyi wonsa umwana yiruka, atamwitayeho, akagaruka atinze atanamwitayeho, akavuga ko uwo mwana akurana impamyi zo kumva ko ugiye wese amukunze, atari bugaruke, akumva ko uwo azaba afiteho uruhare wese azamurinda, kugirango atamuhomba nk’uko yabuze umubyeyi we.
Ubwanditsi
